Premature ejaculation is an orgasm-related sexual dysfunction that affects one in five people. How to recognize it?
The deep discomfort behind orgasming too fast
Before going into the details of what characterizes it and how it can be treated, it is important to frame this problem within a historical-social framework.
A bit of history
Until about seventy years ago, this clinical diagnosis was not foreseen: not because the phenomenon did not exist, but because it was not considered a problem. The center of the couple's sexuality was procreation, not pleasure. Both members of the report colluded towards this paradigm, because the possibility that there could be something else was not considered. With the various social movements, the reclaiming of pleasure by women, things have changed. The request for a desire to be satisfied has begun to cast doubts on the types of performance possible on the part of men, and consequently to question themselves on the theme of "speed" and the centering of sexual intercourse on the male orgasm.
To date, 20% of the male population suffers from premature ejaculation: one in five people.
The context of the person is important
Premature ejaculation is not something that happens completely disconnected from the person who suffers from it. It fits into a personal story, within the framework of the education received, the type of family in which one grew up, the influence of religion and culture, any evolutionary traumas that may have occurred.
Surely it is also important to distinguish immediately if there may be an organic problem at the base, or if there is an anatomical problem before a psychological or relational one.
Not all premature ejaculations come… the same
There are those who know no other way and have always suffered from it (lifelong), there are those who suddenly find themselves in this (acquired) situation, for example during a new relationship.
Then, it doesn't happen to everyone in the same way and moment: there are those who suffer from it only during penetration, while those who have no control when they still have their clothes on. For some, it is something that always happens, while for someone else it is something occasional, which occurs in specific situations.
Furthermore, in some cases it occurs together with other psychological problems or other sexual dysfunctions.
Features of premature ejaculation
Time, control, distress and relationship problems: here are the three horsemen of the apocalypse for male performance.
Premature ejaculation sufferers probably struggle to understand the meaning of time, and especially in comparison with the partner's times (in heterosexual relationships) or in general when compared to the unrealistic performances learned through pornography. Often the lack of communication with the partner and the anxiety of being able to please her with a sufficiently long performance can aggravate the situation even more, generating states of anxiety that are not always recognizable.
But when can we talk about it? How long does it take to ejaculate? Times are variable and individual, and penetration is not only aimed at vaginal intercourse. Indicatively, at the clinical level the following classification is followed:
- Severe degree: before penetration or under 15 seconds;
- Moderate degree: less than one minute;
- Mild degree: less than two minutes.
Time is not the only thing that escapes in these cases: how can I manage to implement a check on this sexological function if it is not clear to me what it means to check? Often there is just a lack of sufficient knowledge of one's own body and of the mechanisms of regulation of the sexual response.
Everyone can potentially be premature ejaculator; the difference lies in giving yourself the opportunity to get to know each other and learn to control your body during the arousal phase, and delay the orgasmic phase. During growth and adolescence, this can be done by indulging in a relaxed, slow and pleasure-oriented masturbatory activity, instead of fast, mechanical and oriented to finish as soon as possible.
Distress and relationship problems
Furthermore, forms of distress associated with work, social life and relationships can further fuel performance anxiety, associated with the thought of not being able to last long enough during sexual intercourse. This brings a lot of discomfort and can affect the relational sphere of the individual, especially when in a couple relationship.
Many times there is a lack of awareness of dysfunctionality: no other way is known than that, and without knowing alternatives it becomes difficult to think of being able to overcome the problem.
What remedies for premature ejaculation?
Many people avoid seeing specialists in the trade, hoping that the situation will resolve itself. Unfortunately it is quite unlikely to get by on your own and indeed, with do-it-yourself you also risk doing further damage.
The best thing is to look for some expert in the field of sexology, who through courses of sex-body awareness, targeted strategies and techniques, will be able to frame the situation well and move in the most useful direction for the suffering person.
Article by Dania Piras - Expert in Typical and Atypical Sexuality